What The Actual Fudge: Femme Clothes

I love conspiracy theories. LOVE them. Which is sort of weird because, if my anxiety was logical, then theories about reptilian shape shifters being in government leadership positions, and extra-government organizations seeking to enslave the rest of the world would really freak me out. Then again, the first rule of having anxiety, as far as I can tell is that nothing is logical.

I love conspiracy theories. They make me feel. . .comforted in a weird way.

To be honest, if there is a secret government base under the Denver International Airport there’s really not much I can do about it. However, there are very damaging conspiracies hiding in plain sight that we can do something about and that’s what I’m concerned with today.

On Friday I tried a pair of femme shorts at a popular clothing retailer in size 12. These shorts zipped but I can really say that they “fit” in any way as wearing them all day would be akin to some kind of torture. Sadly, I could  not try on the shorts in size 14 because the store only carried sizes 0-12 in store with other sizes being available on the website because people over size 12 aren’t supposed to leave their homes, I guess.

Today, I am wearing a dress from another popular clothing retailer, slightly higher end, that is a size 4 and is loose.

That’s a difference of four dress sizes: 6, 8, 10, 12. FOUR DRESS SIZES. Even with vanity sizing there is no reason for the difference to be so extreme.

Here’s another example: I have a pair of Medium sized workout pants from Target. On a dare last week I tried on the XL girls fitness pants at Target. They fit the same. Until this point in my life I was blissfully unaware that a Medium woman and an XL girl were supposed to the same size.

This is all crazy making. As a full grown woman I should be the size of a girl? A girl is a great thing to be, but it shouldn’t be anyone’s desired state of permanent existence. Girls, and I am using the term here to literally mean people under 18, as I’m sure that’s who Target means to sell their girls fitness clothes to, can’t vote. Their employment options are limited, as is there ability to travel. They can’t get tattoos, or smoke, or drink legally. They can have sex but they are often punished for it in legal and extra-legal ways. The point is whether or not you want to get a tattoo or to smoke or drink. The point is that women have the option and forcing women to force their bodies into a permanent state of girlhood is repugnant. It can be of more harm than good physically and speaks to a post-feminist culture in which women are supposed to exert their freedom by willfully handing it back to the patriarchy.

Moreover, what am I supposed to do if I’m a size 4 at some stores and size 14 at others. That is also, literally, crazy-making. It means that my body, which is a relatively fixed entity, is always shifting on an external scale I have very little choice about using.

This uncertainty about what size and shape my body may be at any given moment fuels the billion dollar diet industry which claims to make money by helping people but has been proven harmful. If this isn’t a conspiracy then I don’t know what it. The thing is, unlike our reptile overlords or wondering about whatever might be under DIA, this is a conspiracy we can actually do something about.

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